At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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