Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
