Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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