thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize