he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
