I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
