Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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