the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
