So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
