just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
