So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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