if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
