So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
