Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
