So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
