The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
