So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
