whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
