two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
