Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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