Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
