I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
