I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
