Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
