you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
