How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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