Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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