I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
