i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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