the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
