She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
