I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
