I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There r osticjed everywhere
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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