hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
