did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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