Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I lost the right to judge tonight
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