Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize