i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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