My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
