We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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