At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
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