Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
