So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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