Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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