yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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