Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
