How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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