so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
