bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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