I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
