I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
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