yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
