Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
