A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
