I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
