i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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