the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
