Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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