My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
