Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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