just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
