Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
