ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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