even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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