dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
