He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
