You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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