Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
