at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Is Oprah even human
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize