i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dear god my vagina.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
