Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Someone shattered a urinal.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
