Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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