but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
