you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
