why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
