He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I deserve this hangover.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
