Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
