Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
