Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
