the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize