are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
