he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
