I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
