You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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