fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
