This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
