go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
