So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
