she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
