What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
